Two Young Wizards From Hogwart's
by Godric O'Donovan
Summary: Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas go to Dublin over the summer and have a lot more fun than that lot clearing gnomes at The Burrow. Contains excessive underage drinking


Disclaimer (bit that means I'm not breaking the law). All characters mentioned who are not products of drunken imaginations are were created by JK Rowling and are property of herself, Bloomsbury Books, and or Warner Bros., depending on which book you check. Ditto Hogwarts and Hogsmeade. All other places are real, although no specific pubs or houses are in mind. Phil Lynott, Mother Teresa and Bono are real people and I have no permission to use them or their names, although no permission was denied either. The same goes for Red Rum, except that was a horse, not a singer or a nun. No payment of any sort is being received for this work (whether I like it or not). No copyright infringement is intended, nor is any slander or libel. This disclaimer is probably longer than the whole bloody song.  
  
Dean Thomas visits Seamus Finnigan over the summer holidays and they have a lot more fun than all that lot clearing gnomes at The Burrow, they go out on the tear in Dublin Brendan Behan style! Sing along, any vaguely Irish- sounding tune should do, but keep it generic, so as to accommodate the fact that very few lines contain equal amounts of syllables.  
  
Two Young Wizards From Hogwarts,  
A traditional Irish song with no tune.  
  
"Well stall on there lads, do ye have any ID?  
Well just hold up something for the cameras to see.  
If ye get caught drinkin' in there well, ye'll be on parole,  
And I'll get sacked and end up back on the dole."  
  
"Well, there you go, boss, hope that this does the trick,  
And I'll tell me 18 year old friend to drink down here next week  
We've got enough money to drink till we die  
And Ma's not expecting us home till the end of July"  
  
"Well, if you see the guards coming be sure to move on,  
And be telling me now, lads, where you pair come from  
Two boys in the pub, one black and one white  
And wearing dark robes, well ye sure are a sight!"  
  
"Well, I am a Paddy and my friend is a Brit  
And he's visiting my family down in Ballybrit  
We attend Hogwart's school, where the stairs are bewitched  
But today we're in Dublin and we're going to get pissed."  
  
Well the City of Dublin remembers the day,  
Two young wizards from Hogwart's made their drunken display  
  
So Seamus and Dean walked on into the bar,  
And the man of the house poured stout into their jars  
They took off their hats and they hung up their coats  
And the pair of them wet the back of their throats  
  
"Great Scott," says Dean Thomas, "That's powerful stuff,"  
Seamus Finnigan added, "Well, 'tis, fair enough"  
So they finished their drinks, and then finished some more  
And walked out into Dame Street, through the front door.  
  
Well they looked up the road and they saw, with no joy,  
That villainous wizard, young Draco Malfoy  
With a sneer on his face and new shoes on his toes,  
He spotted the drunkards and turned up his nose  
  
Upon seeing the menace the two wizard friends  
Lifted up their robes and exposed their rear ends.  
"You're only a gobshite!" says Seamus, "My arse you may kiss!"  
"Yeah!" says Dean Thomas, "Transfigurate this!"  
  
Well the City of Dublin remembers the day,  
Two young wizards from Hogwart's made their drunken display  
  
The ran into Trinity College, not caring a damn,  
And met ten drunken students, going into an exam.  
"Well, now lads, if ye want to go on the lock,  
"We'll be having a house party in Rathmines at seven o'clock."  
  
Well they went to an offy, and bought a few rounds  
And drank with the students in the College grounds  
And shortly enough, sure no one could walk,  
So all they could do was drink up and talk  
  
"Well I know about Hogwart's and its great Hall?  
But what do you make of the girls there at all?"  
Says Dean, "the girls and I are no stragers,  
Don't you know that I gave it to Hermione Granger?"  
  
"Ye did in yer arse," says Seamus with scorn,  
"Cos she gave it to me in the owlery one morn,  
And also in the common room on one quiet night,  
Thomas, I swear, you are pure full of shite!"  
  
Well the City of Dublin remembers the day,  
Two young wizards from Hogwart's made their drunken display  
  
"I'm telling you Seamus I gave her my best  
Just beside the Forbidden Forest,  
And outside of Hogsmeade, up on a hill,  
I gave me length to Parvati Padmil"  
  
"Dean that's a lie, and you can go hang,  
Cos I got it off with the lovely Cho Chang!"  
"Cho?" exclaimed Thomas, and his was the scorn,  
"You've a better chance of laying a wild unicorn!"  
  
And then, well, by Jasus, but who comes along,  
But the ghost of Phil Lynott and sings them a song.  
"Talkin' shite on your own won't make you a Dub,  
Come on, lads lets go round to another pub!"  
  
So they went for more pints, though it took them some time  
Cos they started to make their way off to Rathmines  
And there they found students, so pissed off their heads,  
They couldn't see Phil, but saw Bono instead!  
  
Well the City of Dublin remembers the day,  
Two young wizards from Hogwart's made their drunken display  
  
"C'mon Dean, let the pair of us go to the zoo,  
We can feed Crabbe and Goyle, and that bollocks Snape too!"  
"You know what, Seamus, but you're a awful nice bloke!  
But that's pure bullshit, the last thing you spoke!"  
  
"Well, if it is bullshit, as you seem to think,  
I reckon we need to go for more drink!"  
So they joined Mother Teresa walking up to be served,  
And Seamus was sure that the whole room just swerved  
  
And Dean he swore that the front door could run,  
Cos, 'twas circling his head like that fecker Red Rum.  
Well, they had more whiskey, and they had more stout,  
And then they threw up and then got thrown out.  
  
But there's one place drunk wizards can go any time,  
And that's to a student house in Rathmines.  
So they got langered on even more drink,  
And the pair of them took a piss in the sink.  
  
Well the City of Dublin remembers the day,  
Two young wizards from Hogwart's made their drunken display  
  
Well then they went outside into Dublin's night  
The pair of them bollocksed and jabbering shite  
They found a steamroller and drove it around  
And in the Royal Canal the next day it was found  
  
Dean was too drunk to use the payphone,  
To say Seamus kissed the statue of Molly Malone  
Seamus left his coat in an industrial fridge,  
And Dean threw up over the Ha'penny Bridge  
  
Well they found tins of paint and were soon to be seen,  
Painting each other orange and green  
They tried to set fire to a large building site,  
But Dean only set his own hair alight  
  
They don't remember much more, if the whole truth be told,  
Except for complaining that it was awful cold,  
And although they were sure they fell asleep in Dublin Airport  
They woke up in the Hospital Wing of dear old Hogwarts!  
  
Well the City of Dublin remembers the day,  
Two young wizards from Hogwart's made their drunken display 


End file.
